in loco parentis vs. psychological parent doctrine

[concearned parent]

Can or does the boyfriend in the story below have any stand under the in loco parentis or psychological parent doctrine



my situation consists of my wife and I, and my 5 year old (living with her mother and her mother's boyfriend). we do have joint legal custody

Not quite sure who's name is on the lease for the appartment they share or if that matters. What I do know is that my daughter sees me every other weekend for the last 2 years now and since the time of seperation the conflict between the ex wife and i has steadily increased. I often wondered what i could do to calm things down but things just get worse. (ie. threats of taking me to court and filing false accusations in her motions.) For instance the minor in this case is in the middle as im sure most kids are in divorces, however this one is being used as a pawn and constantly dangled in front of me like a piece of cheese on a string.

my daughter has, for about 2 years now, expressed an interest in living with my wife and I and not her mother and boyfriend.

Just recently i heard from my daughter, that she is unhappy living with her mom and boyfriend. She complains of being picked up from school by the boyfriend and locked in her room by him for hours until her mother returns from work. when i ask her if she told her mother about it, she said her mothers response was that "the boyfriend" is sometimes not a great adult... he yells at me only when mommy isnt home. The boyfriend picks her up 3 days a week and pappa or another friend picks her up the other 2 days.

[drcoastline]

Concerned parent,

I feel for you I was in a similar situation. I would suggest you immediately start recording all conversations with your Ex. NJ is a single party system so there is no need to inform her of what you are doing. Just start recording it. You must maintain control of your emotions at all times and be reasonable so you do not come off as an angry person. Let your Ex be angry and state she is going to make false accusations.

In addition you may want to take your child to a certified counselor that is recognized as an expert in the jurisdiction your case resides. You will be able to subpoena the counselor for court at a later date. Also if you are in close enough proximity to your Ex I would immediately file for 50/50 parenting time. Generally speaking 15 minutes or less from the school your child attends is the rule for proximity. Unless you have a bias judge (and chances are you do this is NJ after all) there should not be any reason 50/50 shouldn't be granted. Of course your Ex will attempt to state you want to additional time in order to reduce support. So don't make support an issue. When they bring it up turn the table on them and state I want time with my daughter, support can remain the same I don't care about the money.

If you can afford to hire a private investigator you can have the investigator watch the pick ups and track when the mother comes home. If she is unable to care for the child that is in your favor. Also the court is not going to like that a 5 year old girl is with an adult man alone for hours on end. His he a reputable person? Any type of record that can be used to discredit him?


Unfortunately, at 5 the court will not listen to her wishes at this time. You need to get her information via the counselor and let your ex's anger toward you play a roll. It will take some time but it can be done.