Tricky Question about custody and visits

[candihoffman]

I am a lesbian. I was in a civil union with we'll call her ''C". During the civil union I became pregnant via artificial insemination. My x did not attent Dr. visits and truthfully never wanted the baby when I said I was going to have one. I told her she was on board or not it did not matter to me. Before the two of us were married I tried to have a child on 2 other occassions. Bottom line is C is well not good for me to have anything to do with. I could bash her just because we are x's but it is not worth it. She did not attend the day and a half I was in the hospital before the baby was born. She attended the actual birth and was there a total of 45 minutes. She left. She did not pick us up from the hospital. The baby was born in April and by July we split up and had a domestic violence under our belt. She did not see the baby until court ordered after divorce ruling in Oct. I do not feel she should have any rights to the child at all. She is not a blood relativive and was never going to adopt my son. I never wanted her to. She knew that. I gave birth in Pa. so that she would not be on the birth certificate. We do not get a long under any conditions. She has told me time and time again she will get custody of my child. She has all of the money for the lawyer. I can not afford one. She pays no child support yet gets over night visits on weekends and Wed. night. I pay all medical. She has called his Dr. and pretended to be me. I want her out of our lives. I have remarried to a wonderful woman who I want to adopt my son and can not because the crazy x wont let it happen. We go back to court in 2 weeks. I still can not afford a lawyer and the judge hates that. Does anyone have any advice.

[KC405]

Well, I am not that familiar with civil unions and the laws governing them but I would like to comment on something you mentioned. The next time she calls a doctors office and impersonates you I would immediately call the police and file a complaint against her. This is a form of identity theft and it is also fraud. It may also violate patient privacy laws.

Also if she ever threatens you with any harm, however small, you need to file a restraining order against her.

[candihoffman]

Well I have tried to get a restraining order in the past and was not granted one. In the judges defense my older son (14) did hit her in defending me and trying to pry the baby from her arms. As far as the calling the Dr. office well she has legal rights to his medical records. However she calls after every visit I go to and often says she is me. She called one month on the 21st and then again on the 24 asking the same questions and again pretending to be me. By the way after a conversation at length with the pediatrician. So now it looks as if I go to the visit and then call 3 times. I am at wits end with this. Honestly the baby is young and needs not be involved with her. This would not impact him at all. The best interest for the child in this case is for the judge to vacate his previous custody and visitation order. I just want to live in peace with my son. There are about 70 other issues I could get into but again not worth it. I need a good lawyer and would like one that is willing to fight for my son and myself. Or maybe be told that under the laws in NJ I do not stand a chance. My problem is the judge cited one case and then went against what he said. No papers were signed by me, or a MD about the insemination and should have been. C needs to be in control. She feels important because she is controlling the situation.